Moving on to new beginnings

Now that I have very briefly tried to paint a bit of a picture for you, I want to tell you more about the little unit that is my family now that NH and his daughter (PA) are gone. Its a whole new unit, its never been “just us” and its taking a lot of getting used to.

There is my oldest girl, whom we shall call DC. She is going to be 7 in a week’s time. She was 1 when NH and PA became part of the mix. She has seen a lot of heartache and pain and she has stood by me through all of it. She wanted to protect me and she firmly believed that if she was there, the fights wouldn’t happen. They did. She is smart and tall and beautiful, and she has a little personality that would reduce the world’s most hard-assed people to fits and giggles. She says things like “Are you too manic to be spoken to?” and calls the deputy principle of her school by her first name (I need to add here that she is the first child to do this in 14 years, and she gets away with it!). More about her later.

My other angel is 1 year, 8 months and she personifies the word “angel”. We shall call her HF. She is NH’s child and has the biggest blue eyes you have ever seen. She hasn’t had the (non)privilege of seeing her parents ripping eachother apart, and I know she will be better off for it. She loves horses, and cats and her mommy more than words can explain. Where DC is clever and manipulative and has everyone right where she wants them, HF is gorgeous and so sweet, and as a result, also has everyone where she wants them.

The only problem I have with this dynamic, is when they both try to have me where they want me, simultaneously. It is cause for much stress and continuously causes an upset but this, like all things related to new family units, will settle…

…And then some other major thing will hit the fan, and we’ll get through that too! As a family, as a unit. We will work together and we will come out tops. We hope…

 

The beginning of the end

I promised you I wouldn’t bore you to tears. But I do need to take you back about 4 months to paint a picture for you. A picture that will cast a little light on why I am where I am today and will put a lot of the stuff I write about into perspective.

So I briefly mentioned Daddy 2 yesterday. Today I will elaborate. He will be referred to as NH.

NH was a nice guy when I met him 6 years ago. He had recently taken custody of his 5 year old little girl, and he was doing a sterling job. He was always at mine on a Tuesday evening with a bottle of wine and his washing and my washing machine and I were happy to oblige. I would cook supper and we would sit on the kitchen floor until the early hours laughing and simply being. Those were the good times.

We decided to move in together and this is where things went wrong. I am not going to pin the blame on him here. We were both wrong. He drank too much, and had problems listening when I needed to talk. Over the years there were many very violent fights, and often the kids would bear witness to scenes that should have been R-rated. There were tears and bruises and broken bones, there were heartaches and many sadnesses. There was also the joy of the birth of the most gorgeous little bundle of girly joy any parent could wish for.

4 months ago, I reached the end of my patience and NH spent 2 nights in a jail-cell at the local police station, where he had a chance to sober up and really process the latest incident. After his court appearance on that beautiful Monday morning, he came home and we agreed that what was needed here was councilling. And so we went.

8 weeks after the councilling started, NH confronted me at the front door as I was getting home from work and informed me that, in his opinion, we should go our seperate ways. I thought this was a fabulous idea, and didn’t hesitate to tell him so. And so the process of him packing up and moving out began.

It took him 6 weeks to get his stuff together to move out and that 6 weeks was hell. It was awful not being able to invite my friends over, and to have to tiptoe around him for fear of igniting an already volatile situation.

But we got through it, and he left. It was a day filled with all sorts of really mixed emotions. I was sad that what we had attempted for so long had failed, that no longer would I have a warm body to climb into bed next to, and to hold me tight when I needed to hide away from the world. I was thrilled that the chance to start over had finally arrived and that I could invite all my friends over and just soak up the fact that the space was mine. I was worried about what this meant for my girls as he had left with his daughter, which left a big gaping hole in our lives, and I was anxious about taking a day off of my new job to watch him remove his worldly belongings.

Its been 4 weeks since that day. He has sent me one very weak text message, vaguely inquiring about his baby, and otherwise, we have had complete radio silence.

We are doing well. The kids and I have settled in well and, despite some serious behavioral issues at school ( which will get the honor of it’s own post soon), we are surviving.

I have realized that its his loss. And when he realizes that, it will be too late. It’s too late already. I am moving on…

 

Prologue: An Introduction

So this is my story. But I actually can’t bore you to tears, so you’re going to get the concise version.

I am 27 years old, and I am a single mom of two, with a full time career in online marketing. Sound like a mouthful? It is. And just when I thought it couldn’t get more complicated, it did. Let me take a few steps back here and let you have a good look at the bigger picture.

I was an only child. My childhood was filled with the frequent physically violent fights my parents insisted on having, but also with a lot of love and support from my mom and grandmother. I got through school, I got a Diploma in PC Engineering, and then I got a job and moved out the house.

Then I fell pregnant with #1 (DC). Disaster. For everyone, except me. I was almost 20 and life couldn’t have been rosier. When she was 8 months, Daddy 1 (BFG) left (thats another story altogether and I just don’t think it would add any value here!).

Then I met Daddy 2 (NH) . We had a friendship for a while, then things got a little hot and steamy and suddenly it was a relationship. The moonshine and roses lasted for about 3 months until we moved in together and then things went southward. Fast.

Turns out that him and I just weren’t good for eachother, and after 6 years of bullying and guilt-tripping and #2 (HF), I happily went along with his suggestion to move seperately. And so my situation came about.

What you will read about in these pages is a story of love, friendship, raising kids and following my dreams, and all the pain, joy, frustration and procrastination that accompanies all the big decisions and smooth daily running of my life.

Happy reading.

C

x

PS. There is a “decode the name” list in the right nav —>