I have just returned home from the appointment with the Doc. The outlook is good, but I have come home without a prescription for required medication in my pocket, and about this, I feel a bit odd. The bottom line is that the Doc feels that he doesn’t know enough about the condition and the thousand medicines available to treat it. He says that some medicines, if prescribed incorrectly, can actually just make the problem worse. So the solution here is that I get my head shrunk a little and see what the specialists say. I feel this is the part where I need to have a minor breakdown. I understand that whole “you need to see a specialist” rationale. But lets just look at this. I am in a state of panic and anxiety brought on / exacerbated by, among other things, my disastrous financial situation. I am not on a medical aid / help scheme, and I am a single parent of two children, only one of whom has a father who understands he needs to contribute a meagre amount to his child’s expenses. And the cost for the first visit is crazy expensive, AND I was informed by the specialist that he runs a CASH ONLY practice. You got me. CASH. No credit cards, no cheques… Cash. Only. And he can’t see me until the 19th July.

Thats great and all, but here I sit in the mean time, trying very hard to hold the pieces of my life together with hands that are too covered in cooking oil to get a grip. I just can’t seem to get a handle on anything. My girls are driving me to drink. I HATE my job with such a passion. And I am broke. Soon to be bankrupted by my medical expenses. I think its ironic that the one thing that can help me is going to be the thing that cracks me up.

And just to top it all today, my nanny is sick. She has got a case of this flu virus that’s going around that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. So I am at home today with my kids and will be again tomorrow. BM is away and BL is back at the office. I am not sure how she feels about me working from home, but really what options do I have? And this whole situation has made me realise, once again, that I don’t want to work for a boss in an office anymore. I want to be able to be here for my kids. I want to be flexible and available to them at all times. I want to be dependant on me and financially free.

Last week, one of my colleagues finished her time at the company I work for and she is off on a freelancing career as a web developer. I have another two friends who work together at one of my previous employers who were “retrenched” today, and they are both going out there to freelance before they make big decision about their lives. I have a laptop, an internet connection and 10 hours in a day that I spend communting to work and back, and at the office.

If I didn’t have to go to the office, and if I could spend those 10hours making my own money and being here for my kids, what would I do? How would that money come…

I just realised that these are two seperate posts actually, aren’t they? But I clearly need to vent this stuff, so deal with it. Do you have any suggestions? Any ideas on what I can do?

Looking forward to hearing from you!

C
xxx