I watched the best movie EVER last night. I lay on my couch and I sobbed my heart out. PS. I love you has got to be my new all time favourite. Right up there with Love Actually. I have never been so moved by a story of love and fate and getting over it.

This most beautiful of stories tells us about a girl and guy who meet in Ireland, and fall in love. They get married and everyone says it won’t last and it was too soon and it happened too fast. They promise to always be together as their love is so strong. Then he dies. 3 weeks before her 30th birthday and she finds herself alone.

This movie reached right into my chest and held my heart in a precarious place, somewhere between breaking and being tenderly caressed for almost 2 hours. And it got me thinking about my own life and my own grief and all the things that are akin to death in my life and what I have and haven’t dealt with.

And it reminded me of how absolutely lonely I am. I long for a man whose arms I can dissappear into when I need to hide away from the world. A man who is capable of taking the reigns from my hands sometimes and whom I can trust with those reigns, that I can take a chance to just relax and be. I want a man whose (hairless) chest I can cuddle up to on a cold rainy winters night and who will let me fall asleep like that. I want a tall, dark-haired, blued eyed hunk who will be a man, and not allow me to walk all over him. See, I am a very stubborn and independant woman. I like to be in control of all aspects of my life, and what I want is a man who will gently challenge that instead of rolling over and playing dead, or agreeing, or doing what he thinks I want. Most of all though, I want a man who will accept my kids as part of the package and love them the way I do.

I learnt a valuable secret last  night. Guys take note: Don’t ask a woman what she wants, ‘cos (and this is the bit where I give it all away, but you can’t tell the girls I told you!) women don’t know what they want. But they will know it when they see it.

I am waiting with baited breathe for the moment that changes my life as I know it, and I am ready to welcome it with open arms. The thing with me is I am a HOPELESS romantic, and I am hoping he comes with an English or Irish or maybe even Scottisch accent, and I do believe in fairy tales and I do want my happily-ever-after, and I feel I have waited long enough and had enough pain in my life to deserve a good thing.

As many times as you will hear me say I am strong and indepedant and able to handle life on my own, I have always wanted a significant other to share the journey with. To be able to get home from work and have a hug… to be able to climb into bed with a warm and loving body at night… to be able to share a walk on the beach with on a Sunday morning… to read a book with, or ride a bike with… Am I asking too much?

As I am sitting here typing this, I can feel my heart aching in my chest for the kind of comfortable thing love brings, but I also yearn for the wild, spontaneous craziness that comes with the deal. The urge to jump in the car on a Friday after work and see where the road take us, armed with food, good wine, a tent and sleeping bags (and credit cards, just in case we don’t find a camping spot and end up in a 5 star hotel!).

I just want someone to share my life with, and some hot steamy sex as part of it wouldn’t be so bad either. I am in the heart of a 3 month drought in that department and the duracell’s just aren’t doing it anymore. I crave the warmth and hardness of a man’s body to get lost in, to smell and taste and touch… And to let him take over and have me…

I NEED A MAN!!!!!!!! Are there any takers out there? 1.4 billion people on the internet everyday… Please let one of them hold the kiss that changes my life as I know it… Come find me. Don’t make me get on a plane and come get you. Please.